So I have this friend, Shania who is so …strange and I mean that in the best way possible because I’m really odd too. She and I can have serious discussions from what it’d be like to drown to being murdered to fleeing the country to talking about Airbnbs and other equally important topics. Anyways, I really do appreciate her because we can have any sort of conversation without each of us batting an eye despite how strange the topic may be. Sometimes I start the conversation with, “Okay if you were trapped in a box…” and she responds so normally, it’s amazing. She also says some really honestly hilarious things but don’t tell her because her head is so huge right now. But Shania also says some really like weird things that literally make me react like this gif below.
Traveling (September 2019 Conversation)
So we’re talking about traveling right, I’m like “I’ve been checking flights. It’s some crap, but I’m kind of tired of islands [sidenote: wOW I sound like one of those really rich socialites), so I’m leaning towards going to Europe again.”
Shania: “ahem uh wHo’S paYinG fOr this. I’m pretty sure there’s like no such thing as a free sugar daddy flight, it’s human trafficking.”
“I actually saw a girl today with a shirt that said, “I need to relax” and I was like ‘Gloria could learn a thing or two from this person’, moral of the story: relax.”
(this literally sounds like that Kylie Jenner interview about realizing things)
This is just a list of things she’s said without context
- “consider I am also a whole mess”
- “ok thanks for the advice that I am not soliciting but you want to give it at 1 am”
- “constitutional law profs get the girls” (in what universe…?)
- “i don’t know why I’m laughing, I guess I find your jokes funny” (wow)
- “but that definitely makes me lean towards ‘you can use my internet to find an airbnb then airbnb-begone” (…)
- “the other day, I was holding my cousins baby, they are surprisingly heavy, and no I didn’t drop her so don’t ask”
- “no shame to hoes”
- “like romantic also goes well with murder scene”
- “I hope the weather outside isn’t miserable if I get killed”
- “ok I got Amazon prime so I can order TODAY and be building tomorrow, 6 month free trial because we don’t got money like that”
“If you kill anyone, let me know so I can block you ok”
well then
Rough Insults
Literally Shania says things that doesn’t have the intent to be rude or mean but when says it, my eyes bulge out.
“Dunno if I’d describe her as a snack”
yikes condolences to that girl
“you know, it’s interesting that one of your favourite movies would be about feet” (WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HAPPY FEET. AIN’T EVEN ABOUT FEET!)
(talking about marriage) “that’s why im trying to get a girlfriend that’s like a workaholic, ideally, someone who wants to get married for tax purposes”
TAX PURPOSES
“I swear one of these days you’re gonna see ‘ok blocked’ and then it’s gonna be real”
😦 she wants to block me
I’m like “what are you going to do with a crying child?” and she goes “yeet” !!!!
Me asking Shania about her friends and she’s like “I know about their lack of a sex life”
I said “u suck the joy out of things” and she goes “joy was a mistake” (WHO SAYS THAT OTHER THAN THE LITERAL GRINCH???)
So she has a huge crush on Michelle Obama (I mean realistically, who doesn’t?) and I’m like “you don’t offer her a life full of adventure” and she’s all “dude I only have one thing to offer to Michelle Obama” and I oop-
More Obscure Things She’s Said To Me
- “cause I’m sure on one hand you experience joy” (I….have no words)
- “you win the Olympic Gold Medal for the 30 meter Conclusion Jump” (lol)
- “become a worm and I’m out”
- “Michelle Obama would be thrilled to know me”
That’s all I got for now. Shania, I know you’re reading this – I appreciate you fam. I also know you’ll lowkey hate my guts but that’s why I gave you an alias sooo can’t sue me now. Also, you’ve all said these things word for word and we both have receipts. Also if you know who Shania is, feel free to attack her. But I also won’t confirm or deny her identity 🙂 I just wanted to write an appreciation blog post about you, sorry this is so late.
Gloria's Scribbles and Thoughts 